The good, the bad and the ugly

The last two weeks has been horrible and I am very, very happy they are in the past.  That said, the coming weeks won't be great, sadly.

The Bad:
     The offer was made but had to be declined.  At the end of the day, I have to face the facts that I work to be paid.  At my age, going backward is not an option.  I can't take a hit to my retirement fund match by half.  I can't pay 4-6 times more for my health insurance each month and still have an astronomical deductible and out of pocket max.   I can't take a job with a one hour commute each way (100 miles a day vs 15 miles a day) for a 15 cent per hour increase.

I can't.

I can't because at the end of the day, I work to be paid and I just can't go backward.

The Good:
     After several calls back and forth (even though I still couldn't accept the job) it was very evident that they wanted very much to hire me.  They increased the pay offer but with the benefit package being so poor compared to the benefits I have now....well, it is wonderful knowing they would work so hard...even if it didn't work out.  It really is an honor just being nominated!

The Ugly:
     Going to my current job every day is a trial.  There is little to no support and there isn't likely to be.  There is more work than any one person can accomplish on a given day.  I am sad and overworked-underpaid and under-respected.  I will forever be the person with the finger being pointed at them...at her...at me. I want so badly to be happy there again.  I don't think it's in the cards.  People are leaving the organization like rats from a burning ship!  

Luck rats.

My declining health is another issue.  One I had hoped might be alleviated by a new environment where even a commute to and from work would be less stress than my current position.  When my Nana was alive she used to tell me that "everything happens for a reason".  I believe that to be true but I often wonder what reason there could be to have me continually struggle.  

Since there is no way to answer that burning question, I will concentrate on more positive things.  Get my head in the game for this week...Gird my loins...pray for a better week than I am anticipating.

Later...